Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Raising Self-Awareness: reflections on pain and narcissim

Let's repeat what the latest research states: exercise is good for fibromyalgia. It's just that it is challenging and the results can lead to excessive, if legitimate, complaints.

Last night I attended my fourth yoga class of the season. After I returned home I laid on the couch under a blanket, my husband placed a hot water bottle under the back of my thighs, a heated barley bag under my neck, and a cold pack on one shoulder. I read a book for two hours till bedtime, as the pain rose sharply and spread throughout my body. At 11:30 I took two Tylenol Three tablets and went to bed with two hot pads. At 2 am, I awoke because the intensity of the pain had again risen throughout my body. At 2:30 I awoke and my husband refreshed a hot water bottle. I tried to sleep, but the pain was too intense. At 3 am I rose and began to write this blog entry and took two more tablets.



People, who endure a great deal of pain each day, sometimes have difficulty shifting their attention to other people. Fibromyalgia sufferers, myself included, tell their stories to others over and over again, partially because the level of pain they live with everyday surprises them. "Pinch me, this can't be happening to me," becomes an insistent inner mantra that can lead to excessive discussion of their physical condition with anyone who is willing to listen.

Just remember fibro people: your listeners may not know that you are just reaching out for understanding. After a little while, pain-centred discussions puts others off and leaves fibromyalgiaers even more isolated. The reason your listeners are repelled is because you are exhibiting narcissistic behaviour through self-focused conversations.

Our complaints may be legitimate but they are best kept for intimate friends and professional therapy sessions. Disclosure and accommodation does not mean we are free to deluge and overwhelm others with our inner struggle.


Focusing our attention to others has the benefit of providing some pain relief, because it is distracting. It is also an opportunity to realize what is the greatest gift of fibromyalgia: compassion for other people. Pain can lead to hopelessness and despair or it can lead to insight and compassion. Understanding the suffering of others is a great gift. Giving back to the world understanding of suffering rather than narcissistic conversation can help us in other ways as well. It opens up our social world and means we can support others in their personal journeys and legitimately rejoice in contributing positively to our communities.

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